My crushes as an overweight girl started when I was in elementary school. It began as an odd acquaintanceship with Mike in my freshman year of high school. Though the compliments were strange, they were detail-oriented and weren’t backhanded. Another part of me said that he was just taunting me.
He talked to me about odd topics, asking me unusual questions and giving me weird compliments. Mike was too thin, attractive and popular to like a fat girl like me.
I was waiting for the moment when he would finally understand me and be repulsed. If you can’t love yourself, you won’t be able to understand why someone else would love you. I didn’t love myself and didn’t get much love from my distant family or friends. You can’t replace self-love with love from another.
I was waiting for him to tell me I wasn’t good enough, the way I told myself that every day. If you start a relationship when you don’t love yourself, you’ll have many hardships along the way. My peers were starting to have relationships as young as 12. In my experience, it’s better to let love come naturally.
I regularly dreamed of telling him how I felt, but I was too self-conscious and nervous.
I’ve worried about others’ opinions for the majority of my life.
Yet I forgot the opinion that mattered most—my opinion of myself.
You might assume that I was actively looking for a boyfriend on OKCupid. By creating an account on OKCupid, I was opening myself up to love, not setting a goal to find love. I asked myself: Losing weight was one way for me to do those things. In the end, those reasons didn’t motivate me enough to stick to my weight loss plans.
Whether or not you need to lose weight depends upon your love for yourself. I began to lose weight when I started to become healthier.
I rationalized that he talked to me because he enjoyed poking fun at me.