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A mere six per cent were error-free, the study by career advisers Personal Career Management (PCM) concluded. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid. A woman dialled 999 after she thought she could hear someone being tortured at the woodland near Elmstein, western Germany.

Mistakes were not confined to applicants for menial roles either - many of the CVs riddled with errors were drafted by CEOs, professionals and recent graduates, researchers said. But 'victim' Roland Hofmann was astonished when armed police surrounded his car which he had driven into the forest and ordered him to give himself up and release his hostage.

And the observation that "every newspaper proprietor has blood on his hands today" became "every newspaper proprietor has blown in his hands today".

The film chronicles the royal family's struggle to meet public expectations in reacting to the death of Princess Diana in a car crash in Paris in 1997.

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Prof Beard, who came across it while researching ancient humour for a book, said the jokes were categorised into themes including 'the absentminded professor' and 'the charlatan prophet'."You can always try again at the next Millennium Games." There is also an ancient version of the Monty Python dead parrot sketch.It reads: "A man buys a slave, who dies soon after."One of my favourite jokes from the book, and probably one of the longest, is about a barber, a professor and a bald man," she added.

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Another dating back to 248AD when Rome held what was billed as the 'Millennium Games' - tells the story of a distraught athlete: "Never mind," says a spectator.The World First team, from Warwick University, hope racing chiefs will change the rules so they can compete in races next season.

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